untouched.

i feel so untouched right now need you so much.

i now understand why he doesn't post many new blogs... this takes a lot of time and thought to come up with some things that you are proud enough of to post. I am not even going to reread whatever I write for that reason, I would never end up posting this.

I am not sure why.
I don't understand what he is trying to do here.
He says that he wants to just do, not think. but it seems to me that he has been thinking too much lately.
He expects me to believe and trust everything in which he has told me.
I can't... I can't just let down this wall that has taken four months to build.
I can't... let everything that I have worked so hard to achieve, just go.
I worked so hard to get where I am at and i can feel it... all crashing down on me.

It's like he is trying to prove something to me. Like I don't already know that he can get whatever girl he wants... obviously he can get whatever he wants. always. that's how it's always been.

& the worst part... he knows that I would do anything for him. He doesn't want to admit it, but he has to know that deep down I belong to him.

And with this thought... it leads me to thinking. we have to belong together.. at some point, right?
we have been through so many things.. experienced so many things... said so many things...
so many things... have led me to believe that if he would just settle down and give us a chance. we could work.
*** it could be beautiful.

yeah... right. :/

if he's trying to make me jealous. it's kinda working... but i'm learning too. every day... it's getting easier. & soon, hopefully. It will all be gone. and then he will be crawling back to me, wishing he hadn't missed out on everything, again.